Revenge of the Witch Read online

  My eyes snapped open. I jerked upright and grabbed a pillow to protect myself. I blinked and stared into Puddles’ big blue eyes. “What are you doing in my apartment?”

  She shrugged and looked at the key in her hand. “As your landlady, I have a right to a spare key.”

  I glowered at her. “You don’t have the right to barge in whenever you like.”

  “It’s an emergency. I had no choice.”

  “If the building is burning down, that’s the only emergency I care about.”

  Wiggles opened one eye and stared at Puddles. “Am I dreaming?”

  “Sadly not,” I said.

  He rolled off the bed and broke wind. The room filled with the unpleasant scent of brimstone. It was an unfortunate side effect of being a hellhound. He trotted around the bed and sat in front of Puddles, giving his belly a thorough scratch with a back foot. “Have you brought us breakfast?”

  Puddles took a step back and wafted a hand in front of her face. “No, I’m here about my nephew.”

  Wiggles glanced at me and shook his head before wandering out of the bedroom.

  “I already told you I saw Dewey and his friends last night. They caused a scene at Cloven Hoof, so they had to leave. That’s all I can tell you.” I lowered the pillow back on the bed.

  Puddles clasped her hands in front of her. “I’m so worried about him. Dewey always comes home. This is so unlike him.”

  I gritted my teeth and thought calming thoughts. “I’m sure it’s nothing. And it’s certainly not a good reason for you to come here and wake me up.”

  Puddles looked a little shamefaced. “I want to make sure he’s okay. My sister is so protective of Dewey. She rarely lets him out of her sight. That’s why he visits so infrequently.”

  Knowing what a selfish little toad Dewey was, that was most likely not true, but I didn’t want to burst Puddles’ happy bubble. I sighed and rolled out of bed, tempted to follow Wiggles’ routine of scratching and breaking wind, but I resisted the urge.

  “Let’s go to the kitchen, and I’ll make coffee.”

  “I have no time for coffee,” Puddles said. “I just want to know where Dewey is.”

  I rolled my shoulders as I walked into the kitchen. “I do. I barely function at this time of the day without caffeine.”

  “He wasn’t acting strangely last night when you saw him?” Puddles asked as she paced my living room. “I was worried he might have gotten sick when he was out and fell into a ditch.”

  “Fell into a ditch?”

  “You hear all kinds of horrible stories. Do you remember about ten years ago that visitor who wandered into the swamp? They never did find him.”

  “That was a rumor. I bet he simply left Willow Tree Falls. Not everyone loves village life. You know, people knowing all your business and where you live, that sort of thing.”

  Puddles raised her chin, a stubborn look on her face. “It could have happened.”

  “Dewey probably had too much to drink and is sleeping it off somewhere. He’ll roll in in a few hours, all apologetic, and you can forgive him.” I gestured to the coffee pot, but Puddles shook her head.

  “I’m sure you were overreacting when you threw him out of Cloven Hoof. Maybe that’s when he fell in the ditch,” Puddles said.

  “Dewey attacked Axel. We had to throw him and his friends out for starting a fight.”

  “I don’t understand. Dewey must be unwell to behave like that,” Puddles murmured.

  “He seemed quite happy to play the role of fist swinging oaf.”

  Puddles’ eyes narrowed. “You said we had to throw them out. Who else was involved?”

  “Suki. My bouncer.”

  “Oh! She’s very large, and I hear she has a temper. You don’t think she did anything nasty to Dewey, do you?”

  “I’m sure she didn’t. We threw them out, and that was it.”

  “I’d better talk to Suki,” Puddles said. “She might have seen something suspicious.”

  “That’s a terrible idea.”

  Puddles’ eyes widened. “Why? Is she dangerous?”

  “I expect so if you wake her up like you just did me.”

  Puddles’ hand fluttered against her chest before she nodded. “I insist. This is important. Where is she?”

  I tipped my head back and groaned. When Puddles wanted something, she hung onto it like an angry terrier. “Here’s the deal. You make the coffee, and I’ll go get Suki. She also likes coffee. She will need coffee to cope with you flapping around her.”

  Puddles nodded. “Very well.”

  I stumbled down the stairs and past the bar. The whole place felt asleep, just like I wanted to be.

  I flicked on the lights in the cellar and crept down the wooden steps. After Suki had started working here, she’d asked if she could use the cellar as a place to sleep. She had her own home in the forest, but after a visiting journalist was murdered close to where she lived, she no longer felt safe there. I was more than happy to offer her a bed, and she’d insisted the cellar was ideal.

  I paused at the bottom step and could hear Suki’s deep breathing. She had a single bed in the corner, piled high with covers and throws. It looked cozy. I’d said she could sleep in the bar where it was warmer, but she was used to sleeping somewhere cool, having spent most of her life in the forest.

  I tiptoed over and nudged her arm. “Suki, please don’t kill me.”

  She groaned and rolled onto her back, blinking sleep out of her eyes. “Is everything okay?”

  “Everything is fine. We have a panicking Puddles Lavern upstairs. She’s not leaving until she talks to you.”

  “About what?” Suki yawned loudly and stretched her arms over her head.

  “Her moron nephew and his friends. Any chance you can help?”

  Suki’s expression was puzzled as she slid from her bed and pushed her feet into a pair of gray fluffy slippers with unicorn horns on the big toes. “Sure. What does she need to know about her nephew?”

  “She’s panicking because he didn’t come home last night.”

  Suki rubbed her forehead. “They caused a lot of trouble.”

  “You don’t need to remind me of that. Puddles wears rose-tinted glasses when it comes to her nephew.” We walked up the cellar steps and were met at the top by Puddles.

  “I thought you were making coffee,” I said to her.

  “I did. It’s on the bar.” She pointed to two mugs.

  I hurried to the mugs and passed one to Suki, who stumbled past Puddles with a cautious look on her face.

  “What did you see after you unnecessarily threw my nephew and his friends out of the bar?” Puddles asked Suki.

  Suki took a long drink of coffee, her gaze on me.

  “It’s fine. Tell her everything. It might make her panic less.”

  Puddles glared at me. “I’m not panicking. I’m worried as all good aunties should be when a beloved relative vanishes.”

  Suki set down her mug. “There wasn’t much to see. The tall, blond one started arguing with the other two.”

  “That would be Serath,” Puddles said. “What did they argue about?”

  “I don’t know. They were too far away to hear. Serath shoved the chubby dark guy and the other one with the lovely hair. Is that your nephew?”

  Puddles nodded. “He has such thick hair. It makes him even more handsome.”

  Suki glanced at me and shrugged. “Sure. Bart had to pull Serath and Dewey apart. After that, Serath stormed off alone, and the other two walked in the opposite direction without him.”

  “Oh dear, that doesn’t sound good,” Puddles said.

  “I’m sure it was high spirits and too much drink,” I said. “You should check at the Ancient Imp to see if they went there. It looked like they weren’t finished for the night.”

  “I’ve been there. Petra saw them earlier in the evening. You’re the last people to see them.”

  “Give them a few hours to wake up from wherever they’re sleepi
ng it off, and you can ask them yourself what happened,” I said. “They’ll come skulking in soon enough with bad heads. I’d bet money on it.”

  Puddles worried her bottom lip with her teeth, chewing off her pink gloss. “I need to report this to Angel Force.”

  I blinked at her in surprise. “What are you going to report? Three grown men go out for a night and don’t tell their auntie where they’re going?”

  “You wouldn’t understand. You’re not an auntie.”

  “It’s not that hard to figure out,” I said. “Angel Force won’t be interested.”

  “It’s the right thing to do, especially since they were fighting. You know what these young men get like.”

  “They get rude and inappropriate,” I said, “as I witnessed here last night.”

  Puddles frowned at me. “You’ll feel bad when they’re all found in a ditch.” She turned and hurried out of the bar.

  I shook my head. What was Puddles’ obsession with ditches?

  Suki leaned against the bar as she finished her coffee. “What does Puddles think happened?”

  I sipped my own coffee and rubbed my forehead. “She’s overreacting, but she won’t leave us alone until they’re found. If the angels won’t help, Puddles will keep hassling us.”

  “I can help you look for them.” Suki yawned and rubbed her eyes again.

  “No, you get back to bed. You had a late night, just like I did.”

  Suki nodded. “Thanks. I could do with a few more hours.” She downed the last of her coffee and headed back to the cellar.

  I grabbed my mug and walked up to the apartment. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I was out of Cloven Hoof with Wiggles by my side. It was rare for me to be up so early, and the morning was chilly. I was glad of my extra layers and the black and white scarf with panda faces on it that Aurora had given me as a birthday present.

  “Are we really hunting those drunken idiots?” Wiggles asked as he trotted beside me.

  “Yep, and we’ll keep hunting so long as it gets Puddles off our back. I do not ever want to be woken again to find her staring at me.” I shuddered. “And I’m going to have words with her about using that spare key.”

  “You should change the locks.”

  “That’s not a bad idea.” I shrugged. “Although, she’d use magic to bust her way in if she was desperate enough.”

  I grabbed two breakfast muffins to go from Sprinkles and headed to the cemetery as we ate them. There was always at least one member of my family on shift. Maybe they’d seen something late last night after I chucked Dewey and his gang out of Cloven Hoof.

  Granny Dottie poked her head out of an open crypt as I walked around the graves, hunting for family members.

  She gave a cheery wave. “I didn’t know you were taking a shift today.”

  “I’m not. I was rudely awoken by Puddles looking for her missing nephew and his friends. I don’t suppose they dropped by here last night, did they?”

  “Missing friends. What a thing.” Granny Dottie hurried out of the crypt, sporting an enormous purple scarf wrapped around her throat. “Why would they come here?”

  “It’s quiet and has plenty of places to lie down. You didn’t see them, did you?”

  Granny Dottie tugged on the end of her scarf and shuffled her feet. “Well, it’s funny you should say that.”

  My eyes widened. “Hold on. Have you seen them?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “I couldn’t leave the poor boys out here. They wandered into the cemetery, joking about seeing ghosts and scaring each other. They sat down near a recently sealed crack. I didn’t want a demon to leap out and grab them, even though they were being boisterous.”

  “What did you do with them?”

  Granny Dottie shrugged and glanced over her shoulder. “Come this way.” She led me back into the crypt.

  Dewey and Bart were curled on their sides with blankets over them.

  I stared at the sleeping guys. “Puddles will have a fit when she realizes you’ve been keeping her precious nephew inside a crypt.”

  “It’s a lot safer than being out in the cemetery. We had three more cracks open last night. I barely had a chance to get any reading done, and I’ve got a particularly steamy novel on the go. I’m picking up a few tips to keep your grandpa keen.”

  I grimaced and wiped those words from my memory. I leaned over Dewey and Bart, and my heart sped up. They had blood on their knuckles.

  I looked around. “We’re missing one. Where’s Serath?”

  “Only two came in last night. They did mention a Serath, but they were both so merry I could barely make sense of what they were saying. I tucked them in this crypt and let them sleep it off.”

  “Do you see the marks on their knuckles? They fought in Cloven Hoof last night, but I don’t think they got those marks then.”

  Granny Dottie inspected their hands. “They do look a little worse for wear, poor things.”

  “They’re not poor things. They’re drunken idiots who messed up a perfectly decent night at Cloven Hoof.” I nudged them with my foot.

  After several increasingly hard nudges, Dewey and Bart both groaned and stirred to life.

  “Wake up!”

  They blinked up at me in surprise.

  “Where am I?” Dewey asked.

  “In our cemetery,” I said. “And you’re a wanted man.”

  Dewey eased himself upright and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I feel terrible.”

  “You look worse,” I said.

  He peered up at me. “What am I wanted for?”

  “Your auntie is on the war path. She thinks something bad happened to you because you didn’t come home last night. She woke me to tell me that exciting bit of news.”

  Dewey groaned. “Auntie Puddles is so protective.”

  Bart looked around and yawned loudly. “I don’t remember coming here.”

  “You were both rather tipsy last night,” Granny Dottie said cheerfully. “I thought you might like a little sleep inside one of our crypts. It’s safer here. Less chance of being eaten.”

  Dewey stared at her. “Oh, I remember. Did you roll me in here?”

  Granny Dottie chuckled. “You needed help walking. It was good fun. I rolled you around for a while.”

  “Where’s Serath?” I asked Dewey.

  Dewey and Bart looked around as if expecting to find him hiding in a corner.

  “No clue,” Dewey finally said.

  “Suki saw you arguing with him after you left Cloven Hoof. What did you argue about?”

  Dewey scrubbed a hand down his face. “I don’t remember us arguing.”

  “Look at your fists. You argued with someone.”

  Dewey blinked at his bloody knuckles. “I guess I did. I don’t think it was Serath.”

  I shook my head. They were worse than useless. “Time to get out of our cemetery. You need to show me where you went after your fight with Serath. He might be lying in a ditch somewhere.” I smirked to myself. I was getting as bad as Puddles.

  “Didn’t we go to the forest?” Dewey asked Bart. “I sort of remember being surrounded by lots of trees and mossy crud.”

  “That’s right,” Bart said.

  “Why would you go there late at night?”

  “For fun,” Dewey said. “Since you chucked us out of Cloven Hoof, we were all out of options.”

  “You could have gone to bed.”

  “Nah. That would have been boring.”

  I nudged him with the toe of my boot again. “Get up. Show me where you went. Maybe we’ll find Serath asleep.” As much as I didn’t want to be involved, I also didn’t want Cloven Hoof getting a bad reputation for letting in trouble makers. And I didn’t want the rumor getting around that people who visited Cloven Hoof went missing afterwards.

  After several pathetic attempts and a lot of complaining, Dewey and Bart were on their feet.

  I said goodbye to Granny Dottie and herded them out of the cemetery and t
oward the forest.

  “Can we get coffee?” Dewey pleaded. “I feel awful.”

  “You can have coffee after we find your friend,” I said.

  They both grumbled under their breaths as I marched them to the edge of the forest.

  “Which path did you take?” I asked.

  They looked around as if it was the first time they’d ever seen trees.

  “It all looks the same,” Dewey said.

  “I think we went that way.” Bart pointed a limp hand to the left.

  We wandered slowly around the forest, Wiggles happy to run around and snuffle in all kinds of disgusting things.

  My mood grew increasingly dark as it became clear neither Dewey nor Bart had a clue where they were last night.

  “Tempest!”

  I turned to see Rhett Blackthorn. He was his usual gorgeous fallen angel self, decked out in black and his dark hair swept off his face.

  He smiled at me, and I ignored the fluttering feeling in my stomach. “What brings you into the forest so early?”

  “We’re hunting for idiots. What about you?” I was surprised to see him here. Rhett was not a morning person.

  He looked at Dewey and Bart. “The same.”

  My eyes narrowed. Rhett was full of secrets. He must be doing something dodgy if he was up with the sun.

  “I don’t suppose you’ve seen anyone sleeping off a heavy night in the forest? A tall, blond guy,” I asked him.

  “I’ve not come across anybody, but I’ve only been here a few minutes.”

  I nodded as I kept an eye on Dewey and Bart to make sure they didn’t scarper to the cafe for their coffee.

  “What’s this guy done wrong to have you on his tail?”

  “Gotten lost.” I shrugged. “It’s nothing, but we’d better find him before the werewolves do.”

  “Werewolves!” Bart looked at me and staggered backward. “There aren’t werewolves here.”

  “Of course not.” Dewey shot me a dirty look.

  There were, but they were mostly harmless, old, and had very few teeth. Still, they were a great deterrent to stop drunken fools poking around where they didn’t need to be poking.

  “I can help you look if you’d like,” Rhett said.

  “Tempest!” Wiggles bounded through the trees. “I found something.”

  “Is it a big stick?”